Legacy projects and saying goodbye: ideas for families

Families often wish later that they had recorded a voice, written down a recipe or asked one more question. A legacy project is any way of capturing who someone is while they can still take part. It doesn’t need to be big. This note offers ideas, and explains why the time spent on a goodbye matters for the family afterward.

Why it matters

Research on grief suggests that what families carry afterward depends less on whether they were in the room at the moment of death and more on whether they had a meaningful goodbye and good time together near the end.¹ Legacy projects are one way to make that time count.

Ideas that take an afternoon

Record their voice. A phone is enough. Ask them to tell a favorite story, sing a song, say a prayer, or read a book to a grandchild.

Write down the recipes only they know, in their words. Take photos of their hands, or of their hand holding yours.

Ask questions: How did you meet? What were you proudest of? What do you want the grandchildren to know? What should we never forget about you?

Ideas that take a little longer

Letters for future milestones: a graduation, a wedding, a first child. A memory book that family members fill in. A family tree with their stories. A playlist of the songs that mattered.

Let them lead

Some people want to do this, and some don’t. Follow their energy and their wishes. A person who is tired may only manage ten minutes. That’s enough.

The things worth saying

Thank you. I’m sorry. I forgive you. I love you. Goodbye. Families who say these things, in any words, often say it mattered more than anything else.

Help from the hospice team

Social workers, chaplains and volunteers on a hospice team often help families with legacy projects: recording stories, making hand impressions, writing letters. Ask what’s possible. After a death, the bereavement team stays in touch with the family, for up to a year under Medicare’s rules, and for thirteen months at HealthView.²